Soundman/Lighting tech NEEDED!

We're looking for a soundman/lighting technician to help us take our live show to the next level! MUST be able to mix sound (keep Shane's guitar under 4,000db, please), Run lighting, including lazers and pyrotechnics made from REAL Dragon Fire™(Imported from China), score illicit substances in any language (both known and unknown) in ANY town or village, have basic knowledge of legal protocol, including disclosure agreements, cease and desist, etc. Multiple identities (with singular personalities) and passports a plus.Previous experience in sound engineering is not necessarily reuired, but prior service in some form of gorilla militia or mercenary force is an absolute pre-requisite. Need to have class A through Q driving licenses, and working knowledge of operational procedures on both a helicoptor and a sub-marine. Must love Wambats. That's just a brief overview of the job description. If this feels like you, and you're confident, with every fiber of your being, that you can be 175,622% COMMITED to this band, forsaking all, including your own bodily functions, then WE'D LOVE FOR YOU TO BECOME PART OF OUR FAMILY! One last note: PLEASE, do not even CONSIDER applying unless you posess the EXACT physical and genetic specifications as this guy.Thank you, and Good luck! -Judd Hall